If you live your life trying to make other people happy, not only will you not succeed, you are likely to end up miserable. That’s because it’s absolutely impossible to make everyone you encounter happy, all of the time. You might have a good run for a day or two, generating nothing but smiles on the faces of the people you run into. Eventually though, you’re going to irritate someone or have them angry at you. So how do you handle people that overstep your boundaries?
Much of the time, the problem is with the other person, not with something you did or said.
Some people out there are just looking for any excuse to be negative. They may have “got out of bed on the wrong side” as my Gran used to say. You might have accidentally said or done something that set them off. You may simply have reminded them of someone else that upset them some time. But some people will find a reason to be negative no matter what.
They might tell you that you offended them in some way. They might keep pushing and prodding, trying to get you to cave and agree with them, just to make them shut up. People like this have no problem crossing your boundaries. When you stand your ground and let them know they’re acting inappropriately according to your values, they just get louder.
Instead of letting them cross any boundaries you’ve set, remember this.
“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.” – President Abraham Lincoln
When somebody is being difficult and won’t respect your boundaries, don’t react right away. That’s what they want. Take a step back and collect yourself. Even if you’re feeling like you’re about to lose it, don’t give in. Find a way to get your emotions in check. Take a few deep breaths and regain control of your emotions.
If you find yourself in a tense situation with a stranger, it’s best to remove yourself from the situation. But if it’s a friend or someone you care about, it’s worth reaching out. Be clear and direct about what’s bothering you, but also let them know how much they mean to you. A casual conversation can go a long way in resolving any issues.
Let them know that this is a line they can’t cross and that you’re not backtracking or allowing the situation to be repeated in the future. The people who love and care about you will respect what you say. If they don’t, maybe it’s time to reevaluate how much time you spend with them.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that you cannot make everyone happy. Setting boundaries and sticking to them is key to protecting your own wellbeing and happiness. If someone oversteps your boundaries, don’t be afraid to speak up and let them know that their behaviour is not okay. It’s okay to be assertive and put your own needs first.