It’s just as easy to get stuck in a rut in our relationships as it is in our work. We get comfortable with our partners and forget to take the time to really nurture that connection. But if you want to rekindle the spark and make sure your relationship is growing, you need to try building a “Why” with your partner. This means respecting your relationship, while also giving you both room to grow.
In the beginning it’s easy – the days and weeks of a new relationship are filled with fun and excitement. Each moment has its own special spark. But then life gets in the way. As the relationship shifts to something more stable, our day-to-day routines take the place of passion. What happened? When did the person who was the centre of your universe and your reason for living become just another part of the routine?
The issue isn’t with them, or you – it’s when you make another person your “Why”. It’s easy to get stuck when you rely on someone else to motivate you. People can’t stay on a pedestal forever before they remind you they’re just like everyone else – capable of making mistakes. Relationships can be complicated and that’s totally normal. You need to find your motivation elsewhere.
So, what next? Let’s create a “Why” for our relationship that allows us both to evolve and flourish. Not a “Why” that we share, because we’re both still our own people, but one that’s tailored to each of us. Let’s craft a mission statement that works for us both and helps us to rekindle the spark. Here are three steps to help you find your relationship’s “Why”.
1. Back to basics
Why are you together at this point in your lives? Probably you’re there because of love. Perhaps there’s a component that has to do with companionship. This can be a pretty good basis for your “Why.” So, start here, by completing this statement: “I am with _________ because ________. Word this in whatever way feels right to you.
2. Why are they with you?
Why are they with you? Take a moment to think on that. What’s the draw? What can you bring to the table? Consider what you offer them that makes them want to stay. It’s essential to delve into the relationship and uncover what makes it special. So, what do you offer them? Your next sentence might look like this: “I offer them _____________.” You can fill in the blank with anything from companionship to a listening ear. Whatever it is, you’ve got something to offer.
3. Why does it matter?
What do your unique gifts enable your partner to do? Think back on what you bring to the table and consider how that benefits them or you as a couple. Your next sentence may look like “…which allows them to_____________.”
When you take all these elements and combine them, you can create a mission statement for your relationship that will become its very foundation – your “Why.” Your “Why” and your partner’s will each look a little different because you each bring different things to the relationship.
Here’s one possible example to help you see what a statement might look like:
“I am with my soulmate because I love them. I offer them laughter, joy, and companionship, which allows them to realise they are always accepted, that this is their safe place, where they will never feel alone.”
Got the idea?
Now try your own statements. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you and your partner are both on the same page. When you both understand the “why” behind your relationship, it can help you both to grow and respect the connection you have. By taking the time to engage in open and honest conversations, you can try building a “why” with your partner and ultimately rekindle the spark in your relationship.